One of the most familiar passages from the Book of Proverbs is Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (KJV and ESV). This verse has both encouraged and discouraged parents. It has been used to encourage parents to take seriously their calling to raise their children and point them in the path of wisdom and the way of the Lord. However, it can also discourage parents whose children have walked away from the Christian faith, questioning if the lack of faith in a child is an indication of their failure as parents. Thus, I thought it would be good to examine this verse more closely to make sure we comprehend its nature and wording before we think more about its meaning, especially in this era of “Faith Deconstruction” in emerging generations.
The Nature of Proverbs
Many people treat the Book of Proverbs as a series of promises that say, “if you do ________, then _______ will happen.” However, this is not the nature of the genre of proverbial sayings. They speak about probabilities and general principles, not hard and fast rules in which there are no exceptions. It is something that is generally true, but there will always be exceptions to the general rule. Therefore, we must not read this verse as a promise that if parents simply do the right things, then their children will turn out “okay.” In fact, such an idea goes against the format and frame of the Book of Proverbs, as much of it is couched as a speech from a father to a son that encourages him to hold on to his parent’s teaching and thus go down the path of wisdom. (See Proverbs 1:8, 2:1, and 3:1 among many other places, particularly in Proverbs 1-9.) Such a structure implies that the son is a moral agent who can make choices; while wisdom calls out to him through the instruction of parents (among other ways), there is also the voice of folly that cries out (Proverbs 9:13-18) and seeks to entice through various bad actors in our world (Proverbs 1:9-19; 7:6-27). Proverbs thus explicitly and implicitly teaches that each person must choose what path they will follow. This means no amount of instruction or modeling by parents can guarantee that a child will choose wisdom and thus follow the path of Jesus.
The Meaning of this Proverb
Upon closer examination of this proverb, we discover that it may not even say what we think it says. The traditional translation, found in the King James Version and continued in modern translations like the ESV, is just one potential interpretation of some of the ambiguities that exist in the Hebrew statement.
One element that is not as clear as you might think is the translated word “train.” “Train” is not the common word for instructing a child; it is only used a few times in the Bible (Deuteronomy 20:5; 1 Kings 8:63; 2 Chronicles 7:5), but with reference to dedicating an object. Thus, it might be better to view it as initiating or starting something (the CSB and NIV now translate it as “start”) rather than the ongoing instruction that we associate with the word “train.”
But perhaps an even more notable element is that the word “should” does not reflect a particular Hebrew word in the text; its insertion reflects a way of interpreting a phrase that is literally “according to his way.” The addition of words or phrases does not necessarily mean the text is being twisted or changed; it is often necessary to add such expressions when translating phrases from one language to another because languages do not all work the same way (thus you could say that things are both lost and added in translation!). Translations through the years have rendered the phrase “according to his way” as “the way he should go” since the idea of “way” in the Bible often reflects the way of God, and the book as a whole encourages people to walk down the right path.
This is not the only possible way of understanding this phrase. Since Proverbs points out the foolishness that exists in each of us if we are not disciplined correctly, some have viewed “his way” as a reference to the natural way and tendency a child has. This would make the statement as a whole kind of ironic, basically saying, “If you just let your child remain in his foolishness, he will remain that way forever.” In such an interpretation, this statement would be encouraging parents not to do that! Of course, such a statement is still a principle and not a promise, as there are often times when a child has not been guided into righteousness but through comes to believe and trust God without any influence from their parents.
Another interpretation that has risen in popularity is that “according to his way” is not a moral statement but rather reflects the child’s gifts or abilities to learn. Therefore, this could be a statement about the need for “age-appropriate” agency; that if you instruct a child in light of their developmental process (not treating them as adults but meeting them where they are developmentally), then they will truly learn. Others have been more focused on the idea of “his” way and thinking it is less about generalities of children and more about each particular child’s gift-mix; that one should seek to develop the unique gifts and talents that a child has so that he or she can live into them throughout their lives.
I find the idea of “according to his way” reflecting age-appropriate or individual attributes to be more reflective or modern-day thinking than that of the ancient world, so I don’t think those are the best interpretations of the text. While intrigued by the “ironic” interpretation that serves as a warning not to let a child remain in their foolishness ways – especially in our day in which families often are “child-centered” and parents cater to the whims of children and teenagers – I’m not sure the ironic tone of it is clear enough for this to be the primary meeting. Dismissing those alternatives does not mean that I simply re-affirm the traditional expression, as I think it (ironically) might lead one down the wrong path of understanding! Rather than a promise that a child will continue on the right path if they are taught it, it emphasizes the truth that a child’s early years and training will have a significant impact on the rest of their life.
The Implications for Parents Today
The piece of wisdom given in Proverbs 22:6 coheres with what we also see in general revelation – anecdotal experience and research have shown the influence that parents have on a child and the impact that one’s early years affect the trajectory of their life. That truth invites parents to greater intentionality with their children. Is faith and Christian community one of the things that we are “initiating” them into as they grow, or are there other things that seem to take priority over those so that faith is something that is important when it is convenient, but not so important that it ever might cause us to be inconvenienced? Are we initiating a child into God’s way or into the way of human foolishness? Children ultimately must decide which way they will go, but we can ensure that they have heard and seen the voice of wisdom in us if they walk down that path. It is no guarantee that they will follow in our footsteps, but it does make it more likely that a child will walk down the path of wisdom.
While the so-called “Faith Deconstruction” movement in our time, describing how many young people are leaving the church and/or faith might seem to undercut the overarching principle of this proverb, I think we need to remember that our world often elevates and highlights the exceptions, rather than the rule. Stories of young people who grew up in the church and leave are publicized, but stories of young people who grow up in the church and become active and engaged adults rarely make headlines. This means those stories happen more often than you realize. When you look at the common threads of those stories, it is tied to a faith that is nurtured early on and prioritized at home. There certainly are exceptions to the rule, but don’t let the exceptions cause us to question the overarching wisdom found in the rule.
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